It is not our culture for men to cook.  Taking care of children is the role of women- it is our culture. 

What exactly is culture? How do we define culture? I have a love/hate relationship with the word ‘culture’ and its connotations. On some days,  I love my culture while on other days, I find myself grappling with the idea of what culture is and what it is not, especially as it relates to gender roles and women’s rights. 

Culture can be defined as a way of life but culture is not rigid. It is not inflexible or inelastic. It is in fact very flexible and changes with time. When people speak of Nigerian culture, the discussions regarding culture are framed to fit the speaker’s ideals. Nigerian culture is not a monolith.  Prior to 1914, Nigeria did not exist and with colonialism, post-colonialism, democracy, neo-colonialism and globalization, our culture has changed tremendously.

Farming has moved from being mainly subsistence and non-mechanized to being highly mechanized and commodities being exported. Religion has moved from the worship of only Sango, Idemili, Osun to the introduction of Christianity and Islam. Communication has moved from the use of gongs and town criers to the use of televisions, radios and social media. Leadership has moved from the sole rule of traditional rulers such as Emirs and Obas, to the existence of Presidents.

Yet, culture remains stubbornly inflexible in the discussion of women’s rights. Men are quick to say things like ‘cooking is a woman’s job. It is our culture- my grandfather never entered the kitchen, neither did my father and the gods forbid that I do so.’ ‘submission is our culture, giving your salary to your husband is our culture. Asking your husband for permission is our culture. Unquestioned obedience to your husband is our culture. Women being the sole caretakers of children is our culture. A woman being subservient is our culture.’

I could go on with more examples of Nigerian culture as it relates to a woman’s role being equated with suffering, silence, submission, servility and subservience while culture as it relates to men remains very flexible. When a Christian man marries another wife, culture becomes very flexible and open to interpretation. People say things like ‘he may be Christian but his forefathers had 7 wives so what is 2 wives? The same religion which gets interpreted as culture becomes malleable and can be easily twisted. 

So again I ask “what is culture” and who gets to define it?